She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize