not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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