You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
