Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
