I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
