i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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