He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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