why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
