And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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