Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
