The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
