Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
