ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
