So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
