pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
