I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
