oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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