It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
