I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
