i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
