I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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