You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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