Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
