Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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