chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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