chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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