do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
