im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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