hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
