Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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