pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
