Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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