if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
