there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
