3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
