So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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