Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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