Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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