i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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