She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
