I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
