she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
