Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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