my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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