Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
