The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
