I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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