this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
