but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
