My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
