You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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