Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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