when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize