ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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