Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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