Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
