The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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