youre lurking in front of me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The Olympian is in my bed
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