No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
