Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
