After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
