think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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