i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize