i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
