No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
