First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
