My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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